As a writing coach, I read dozens of manuscripts each week by aspiring childrens writers. Most are very competent but in many cases, the readability of the text and the emotional impact of the story could be cranked up with just a bit of tweaking.
Here are my current top three tips .
TIP 1:
Let the reader experience the characters emotion directly.
Dont just say: Lydia felt embarrassed. That leaves the reader with a bunch of words that convey pretty well nothing. The reader needs to feel what Lydia is going through to become emotionally involved in the story. Dredge deep into your own personal experiences to find the right words. Genuine descriptions will feel real to the reader.
Okay what do you do or feel when youre embarrassed? You might feel a warm flush creep up your face. You might stare dumbly at your shoes or discover something important under your fingernail. You might force a laugh or put on a fake-cheerful smile.
Instead of telling the reader that Lydia felt embarrassed show her experiencing the embarrassment:
Lydias face grew warm. She busied herself with a loose thread on her jacket.
TIP 2:
Make friends with the delete button. Why? Because good writing is tight writing. Ive lost track of the number of editors and agents Ive heard lately saying: I want a great story written sparely.
What does this mean? It means you should say what you want to say using as few words as possible. This will force you to use only your sharpest images, your most engaging dialogue, your liveliest action.
Heres a trick: Pretend that you have to fax your story to a publisher at $2.00 a word. Youll quickly discover words, phrases, sentences and whole paragraphs that arent vital to the story. If you find your ms shrunk to half its original size dont panic, celebrate!! That means its more tightly written and has a livelier pace.
Heres an example of pruning:
BEFORE:
Andrew noticed that there was a very big spider on his pillow.
AFTER:
An enormous spider sat on Andrews pillow.
This example reminds us of the impact created when you move the focal part of a sentence (in this case, the spider) to the beginning.
TIP 3:
Instead of beginning sentences with He saw or She heard, launch directly into the action. Heres what I mean
BEFORE:
Jemma saw Dad cooking muffins.
AFTER
Dad was cooking muffins.
If Jemma is your viewpoint character, the reader will instinctively know who is observing Dad. By talking about the main character (Jemma saw Dad ), you remind the reader that a narrator is at work, describing the scene from a distance.
Watch out for:
He/she saw
He/she watched
He/she noticed
He/she looked at
By avoiding these and describing the action directly, you strengthen the readers ability to imagine themselves in the role of the viewpoint character.
Happy editing!
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